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Thank y’all for stopping in again this month at this moment preceding an intense set of eclipses. The first, a solar eclipse in Cancer–when the moon passes between the sun and the earth for anyone who needs a reminder–is happening Tuesday July 2nd at 3:16pm EST time. I’ve realized many of the people I follow offer their insights using Pacific time, including Chani Nicholas and Sarah Faith Gottesdiener. I haven’t quite made my way to California yet in this lifetime. I haven’t been to a lot of places I’d like to visit and that ties into one of my messages of the month. July is the 7th month in the Gregorian calendar and 7 is also the number of The Chariot, the card ruled by Cancer in the Tarot. This is especially important to me because The Chariot is my key card.
The Chariot card from The Smith Rider-Waite Deck
What is a key card you might ask? It is the card numbered in correspondence with your birth path number, the resulting digit when you add up all of the numbers in your birthday. For me, born on February 1, 1993 it looks like:
2+1+1+9+9+3= 25 = 2+5 = 7
The chariot is a powerful card. It’s all about movement, unless that is, it’s stuck. Cancer is also the crab. So think about a Hermit crab. Maybe even think about Eric Carle’s, A House for Hermit Crab. Watch this and once you’ve finished crying over the loss of your childhood, let’s process together.
Now where did we leave off...
This story resonates deeply for me. I moved out of my old home this past January, just like the hermit crab. It was a place I had felt very safe and held, but it started to feel uncomfortable long before I consciously realized I’d outgrown it. Leaving left me feeling incredibly vulnerable and exposed, the soft little crab meat out in the big bad world without a home for a moment. I was literally couch surfing.
This wasn’t just about a change of physical space for me, it was an entire identity shift, an ego death. I had just come to learn about the nature of capitalism and patriarchy and how these systems of oppression had run so deep in my life that I didn’t even notice them at work. From the outside, I came across as someone (privileged) who had it together her whole life, I did well in school and extracurriculars and even went from interning to running editorial at a startup before feeling seriously burned out. I’d always done homework, even art projects, in order to achieve, to get a good grade, because if I didn’t do a good job, I would fail. I pleased people–family, friends, bosses, lovers–because I was afraid that if I didn’t show them a version of myself that they liked that they would abandon me.
The problem is that I stopped liking me. I abandoned myself.
The Chariot is also the driver. The shell, a vehicle. I stalled out in my efforts as a freelance social media consultant. I was mostly doing it because I thought it would be the best way to make rent, but I didn’t know how to frame my business, let alone my overarching goals. I didn’t feel aligned with anything I’d known previously about the corporate world. The algorithms had also fast taken hold of platforms I once loved. I realized I needed to detach from my devices and find new sources of joy before losing my soul to them.
With my entire identity uprooted, I didn’t know where to ground and felt like I’d lost everything that had once made sense to me. But I had already been finding beautiful new community in healing centers tucked away across Brooklyn and Manhattan, attending circles where people share their most vulnerable stories and moments and are held with love and compassion by those around them. These containers of protection, learning and friendship helped me to see that my true worth and value comes from within, from the most tender places of my heart that long to feel joy and acceptance. No one will accept you for who you truly are if you do not accept yourself first. Self love is the quietest and most powerful revolution.
On one of the last days in my old apartment, a good friend and I decided to watch Good Will Hunting. I guess spoiler alert for anyone who’s had their head buried in the sand, or tucked away in a shell since 1997 (7 of course) but the moment when Ben Affleck’s character tells Matt Damon’s that he hopes that he won’t see him around anymore, stuck in their hometown, not evolving or growing resonated deeply. Not only is Matt Damon wearing a shirt with the number 7 on it, but he also leaves Boston, the film closing with him driving off into the distance in his very own chariot.
I have a whole other essay planned out about myself as a driver, but I’ll just give you a taste here.
I have a license, but I’ve never felt comfortable behind the wheel. When I passed my road test, I found out my dad didn’t want to pay for insurance (I was privileged to even expect this at all). Instead of going out and getting a job, I just continued to treat school as my job and receive rides, feeling increasingly helpless. Deep down, I was terrified of the power it takes to drive a car, terrified of making a mistake and hurting myself or worse living with hurting someone else.
I’ve been riding around the island of NYC in subway cars for a while now. At first, I felt free here because I had a way of getting from place to place, but when you’re making next to nothing, it’s very easy to feel trapped. For the city to feel like it’s become the size of your room, a container for depression and your darkest thoughts. But, that can happen anywhere if you’re not mindful of the patterns you create in your brain with your thoughts. We co-create our reality with the universe and while bad things do happen to good people, the universe is constantly sending us lessons that we can choose to face head on, or cower away from in fear.
This eclipse is asking us to say I am the driver. I am the co-creator of my own reality. I am held and loved by my guides and ancestors and when I show up for myself, they can better show up for me. Every tear you shed, every shadow you transmute, not only helps to heal you, but helps to heal the collective. It builds upon the fire in your heart so that your passion burns a little brighter and blocks out a little more darkness.
As the turmoil in our world has reached an uproar that cannot be ignored, many of us have awoken to abilities that have laid dormant for many years. In astrology my natal Mars placement (Mars aka Aires, the planet and god of war) is in Cancer, the tender, deeply intuitive water sign of mother energy. Being stuck at home with his sword, Mars is trapped feeling sick and repressed not wanting to upset mom, but knowing that there’s so much rage building up inside over the unfairness of it all.
There are so many fucked up systems in this world, so much pain and anxiety from ignoring that pain and anger that we’ve felt powerless to confront. When first doing research into Mars in Cancer, I found a story about its connection to the werewolf and it clicked for me. We are moving pop culturally and energetically from the age of the vampire into the age of the wolf. Vampires live off of other people’s data, fall into codependent and often abusive relationships. No more bloodsucking when what we thirst for is mother’s milk. Remember Romulus and Remus?
We’re being triggered left and right to evolve and wolf out.
Our wolf apex predator populations are literally dying out and they need our protection as much as the polar bears and whales. Our inner wolves are howling to come out and help us to fight our battles. To move out on our own through the world and be alone, or find our packs.
Wolf packs are truly democratic. They adjust according to the needs of the current state of the pack. To be not only fierce, but also fluid and forgiving are the qualities of a truly great warrior and leader. The creature sitting on the imaginary American throne at this moment is no alpha male, but a deeply hurting and unhealthy individual in need of healing. Imagine what that healing could do for the collective if done publicly. We need to know how to take care of ourselves. Part of that is having the good sense to shed our pride and say: I need help, I need to make a change.
Husbandry, as my friend referred to it in a reading a while back, is the task of Mars during peace times. This term is not gendered, but a set of incredibly important skills we all must learn. Whether you’re balancing your divine feminine or masculine, temperance is the rule of this time.
Temperance Card in the Smith rider-Waite Tarot
I pulled the card in reverse earlier today. I actually pulled it live on Instagram but I took down the video. I felt anxious and uncomfortable on the platform which I hadn’t felt all day while I was working on projects. These days my voice has been flowing more readily from my hands. I’ve found that for me, the best way to wield my sword and serve justice, is to set it aside in favor of the pen, for now.
I used to literally gag while trying to write things I wasn’t being paid to write. Or my mind would spin all over the place, unable to focus (my south node in Gemini) but I know my purpose now. I am stepping into my north node in Sagittarius, becoming a teacher and a healer. I’m here to guide those who are seeking a new shell. Just like hermit crab, who outgrows his new home by the end of the story come winter once more. He makes room for those who come behind him, the smaller growing crabs who also need new homes. As we leave behind the shells that no longer fit, we make room for more growth in the whole collective. A cycle of release.
On the solstice, just after the full moon in Sagittarius, in a powerful ceremony with some equally powerful women, we wrote both what we wanted to burn away and what we wanted to ignite on little slips of paper. Before the lit candles, and the bowl of water to throw our offerings into (because fire safety) I chose to burn away fear and doubt. The paper didn’t quite burn all the way through to destroy the word fear once it hit the water. When I ignited ‘Free Love,’ love stayed as well, to conquer that fear.
Now with this eclipse, I’m throwing it all into the flames, everything that does not serve me as I move forward on my path as a teacher and lightworker. But, I’m also taking care to bathe in the deep healing waters of Cancer, and preparing to ground with the earthy Lunar eclipse during the Full Moon in Capricorn to balance out the emotional purging. Stay tuned for those insights coming on July 16th.
Set your intentions wisely my friends, take care of yourselves and be at peace as this energy moves through you. Think of a river flowing through you, pressure only builds if there are blockages, look deep into the salt water tear pool of Cancer and see where they reside in you so you can clear them and flow freely with this beautiful energy. So you can feel safe at home in your own body even when you don’t feel safe in this world.
Healing, inner child work, christ consciousness, the golden rule–Magic. No matter how you spin it, it is all love at its deepest core. Self love, selfless love. Didn’t y’all learn that from Harry Potter? What they didn’t tell you is that even muggles have abilities, if they choose to find them within. Are you a muggle, or are you wizards and witches? The Battle for Hogwarts is happening, but it’s a battle for the earth, our first mother and she needs us all.